You know when you’re surfing Instagram or Facebook and see a hilarious meme with #relationshipgoals underneath it? I’ve seen a few that are super entertaining and I always give a little chuckle… but this year Hubbalicious and I are setting some together, so I thought I’d share them with you. Today, we’re going to talk about setting relationship goals with your spouse. They always say that telling someone about your goals will help hold you accountable.. and even though Hubs and I have told each other, it can’t hurt to let you, my loyal readers in on it too. You guys will keep me in line, right?
Let’s start with a little peek into our marital life. Hubbalicious and I have been together since we were 19. That basically means we’ve been completely in love and driving each other nuts for the better part of 15 years now. Along with having a ton of fun and genuinely enjoying our marriage and each other, we’ve also experienced some very difficult times. We definitely haven’t had it easy. You can read more about our tough times in My Story.
“Despite that, I have long since believed that our tough times may have saved our marriage.”
I know that might sound crazy… but we are both very passionate people. And in our early years of marriage, that meant that we had a lot of really good times, until we disagreed. We were so young and immature, we used to fight so badly! I used to call my mom and just bawl my face off because we couldn’t seem to get along. And then the next day we were just as in love as ever. If my parents weren’t so amazing and wise, I’m sure my mood swings would have given them whiplash. Luckily for me, they never judged; they knew there are always two sides to every story, and took everything I said with a grain of salt. They knew we would get over it and be fine. I learned a lot from them during our first year about how to be in a relationship. In fact, let’s just be honest.. I learn a lot from them still.
In our second year of marriage, when our life got turned upside down and I was hospitalized for two years, we learned really quickly what real problems were all about. After it was over, without even trying, we had learned how to let the little things go. And I really believe it saved our relationship. I’m not saying we would have divorced or anything… but who knows! Our first year was really hard, and after going through all of those hard times together, we really began to have an understanding of what was actually important. I’ve always been comforted by the fact that such a huge blessing came out of such a difficult time in my life.
Fast forward to the present, and we just celebrated 11 years of marriage. Can you believe I’m that old?? I can’t… I’m going on 35 this year, y’all. Yikes! Anyway, this year for New Year’s, we decided to set a #relationshipgoal. Haha! I mean, we have individual ones as well… but something we could work on together. And it wasn’t a list of little, specific things we could do. I had just one thing that I wanted to implement into our lives.
When Hubbalicious was 21, he left to serve a two year mission for our church in Antofagasta, Chile. Each missionary is assigned a “companion” and they do everything together. I can remember hearing about his different companions throughout the two years. Some he got along easier than others, and when he came home, we talked a lot about his experiences. One of the things that always stuck out in my mind, is something they referred to as “Companionship Inventory.” Once a week, he would sit down with his companion and they would just basically take inventory of everything going on.
That’s what I want for us this year. I want to create the habit of having a “Companionship Inventory” once a week. Lately, it can feel like we are just two ships passing in the night for weeks on end. There have been numerous occasions that I can think of just in the recent past where we have had considerable misunderstandings in scheduling. Where one person thinks one thing is happening and the other is on a totally different page. But aside from just sitting down and talking about what’s on the agenda for the week, I want to create a space where we can sit and know that we have each other’s full and undivided attention. It sounds kind of crazy that it needs to be planned, but that’s not really all it is. I like the idea of sitting together once a week with the specific task of touching base with your partners needs, feelings and even grievances. Without distraction. Hubbalicious has told me before that I can be difficult to talk to sometimes because I tend to get a little defensive. I have no idea where he gets that from… :o) But on the off chance it might be true, this will hopefully make things a little easier on both of us. Hubby can be guilty of not telling me when I do something that annoys him because he doesn’t want to fight about it. Well this “Companionship Inventory” creates a space where we can each be in the right frame of mind to hear grievances, or express them and it’s easier to hear or say because we’re prepared for it. We’re not saying it in anger, and we’re not being blindsided when we hear it. I like the idea of having a specific time where we can talk about things like that.
We will probably end up sitting together and talking about our crazy little man, or the awesome plot twists in our favorite TV shows, which is totally cool. He is super cute, and our shows are amazing… who wouldn’t sit around and talk about them? :o) I just hope that it’s something we grow to really enjoy and look forward to. I guess we’ll see how it goes! Wish us luck, I don’t have the best track record with putting new habits like this into motion. I’ll definitely need your help holding me accountable.
Are you setting relationship goals with your spouse in 2016? I’d love to hear what some of them are. Shout them out in the comments. Ready, Set, GO!